Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

1. Once you have their money never give it back.
2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.
3. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
4. Sex and profit are two things that never last long enough.
5. If you can't break a contract, bend it.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7. Keep you ears open.
8. Small print leads to large risk.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. Greed is eternal.
11. Latinum isn't the only thing that shines.
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
14. Anything stolen is pure profit.
15. Acting stupid is often smart.
16. A deal is a deal until a better one comes up.
17. A contract is a contract but only between Ferengi.
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
20. When the customer is sweating,turn up the heat.
21. Never place friendship above profit.
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to take all the rest.
24. Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas.
25. There's always a way out.
26. The vast majority of rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it.
27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
28. Morality is always defined by those in power.
29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying.
30. Talk is cheap; Synthehol cost money.
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother - insult something he cares about instead.
32. Be careful what you sell; It may do exactly what the customer expects.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. Peace is good for business.
35. War is good for business.
36. Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore.
37. You can always buy back a lost reputation.
38. Free advertising is cheap.
39. Friendship is temporary, profit is forever.
40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
41. Profit is its own reward.
42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit.
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45. Profit has limits. Loss has none.
46. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person.
47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own.
48. Then bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
49. Old age and wisdom always overcome youth and talent.
50. Never bluff a Klingon.
51. Never admit a mistake if theres someone else to blame.
52. Never ask when you can take.
53. Sell first; ask questions later.
54. Never buy anything you can't sell.
55. Always sell at the highest possible profit.
56. Pursue profit; Women come later.
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum -treasure them.
58. There is no substitute for success.
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep your lies consistent
61. Never buy what can be stolen.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.
64. Don't talk ship; Talk shipping.
65. Win of lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
66. Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it.
67. Any one asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve.
68. Ear stroking will get you anything.
69. Compassion is no substitiute for profit.
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about getting the merchandise.
72. Never trust your customers.
73. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
75. Home is where the heart is...but the stars are made of latinum.
76. Every once in a while declare peace--it confuses the hell out of your enemies.
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
87. Learn the customer's weaknesses so you can better take advantage of
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you...but ask what you can do for your profits.
92. There are many paths to profit.
94. Females and finances don't mix.
95. Expand or die.
97. Enough is never enough.
98. Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
101. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
102. Nature decays, but Latinum is forever.
103. Sleep can interfere with opportunity.
104. Faith moves mountains - of inventory.
106. There is no honor in poverty.
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111. Treat people in your debt like family - exploit them.
112. Never have sex with the boss' sister.
113. Always have sex with the boss.
116. There's always a catch.
117. You can't free a fish from water.
119. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet.
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
125. Count it.
135. Never trust a beneficiary.
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141. Only fools pay retail.
144. There's nothing wrong with charity as long as it winds up in your pocket.
146. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is its father.
153. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
169. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
172. If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.
177. Know your enemies but do business with them always.
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
190. Here all, trust nothing.
191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
192. Never cheat a Klingon unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194. It's always good business to know about knew customers before that walk in your door.
199. Hear everything, believe nothing.
200. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
202. The justification of profit is profit.
203. New customers are like razor-backed Greeworms - they can be succulent but sometimes they bite back!
211. Employees are the rungs of the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
212. Never give away for free what can be sold.
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
216. Never gamble with an empath.
217. You can't free fish from water.
218. Always know what you are buying.
219. Possession is 11/10 of the law.
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
236. You can't by fate.
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
242. More is good - all is better.
255. A wife is a luxury - a smart accountant, a necessity.
256. Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
265. The customer is always right - until you get their cash.
266. When in doubt, lie.
270. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
273. Never trust a hardworking employee.
277. Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.